Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s still here.

The sadness was still there.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Can they start feeding only one meal to prisoners on death row or those doing a life sentence? Because only then will it be real punishment. If they want extra food they can work or pay from their own pocket.

I was tired of fighting.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

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I had run out of hope.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

And the sadness?

What was Easter day like for you as a child?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

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What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Be who you already are.

Why didn't people like the Game of Thrones ending?

You are like me, then.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

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So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

What can be done to combat group stalking and harassment by an organized gang or society, particularly when they use universal sound weapons?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

SpaceX May Be Failing to Get Starship Working at All - futurism.com

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.